Slaying the Energy VampiresMar 29, 2022
I noticed something with social media that people think they have a right to your energy and your space because you are there. They do not.
We have created a society where people think it's ok to land in your inbox (or your text) and demand you respond to them because they want what they want know.
We have created a world where people can "check" on your status, when you live, online, available. They can "see" you're active and because of that make an assumption that can have your energy without regard to you and your needs.
We've created a selfish world where people post cryptic messages about "when you know they always have their phone but don't reply to you" as if they are entitled to someone else's energy because they want it.
I call these people energy vampires. They email, then text, then troll you on social media. All within minutes or hours of each other. There is no emergency except what they want. There is no consideration that you might not have space or time or bandwidth. There is no consideration that you don't owe someone your time or energy.
In business it's perhaps a little worse because people think that when you're on social media and you haven't replied to their business email that they can or should also message again and "get you right now" without concern or consideration that you're allowed to have time off and use it how you want.
I've heard people say "she's on social media but not replying to me". She might be talking to her gramma. Her phone might be open and she's not even on it. Or guess what? None of your fucking business.
We've lost this idea and concept of time and space and downtime. Social media has blurred lined for people, not just in business but in our lives. People's bosses are searching and messaging on social media, friends and family who want you right now are doing the same.
Just because you exist does not mean that other people are entitled to your energy because they want it. When you enforce boundaries and they continue to violate them it's proof that they are not capable of understanding your boundaries.
And guess what?
It's not their job to enforce your boundaries. It's yours. Whether it's your mother, boss, friend or client. You're allowed to disengage, not reply, and create space in your life the way you want to.
We feel an obligation to constantly be available to people because "they can see" we are online. But we do not owe people our energy. People have to earn our energy and if we don't do that people will step all the way in and suck you dry of what you have if you don't change it.
In real life we would call some of this stalking. Think about it. If someone went to your house, then 10 minutes later came back, then again. And again. Or if they did so at your work place or by phoning you.
We would call this invasive and violating and boundary crossing. Yet over social media people think the same rules don't apply but they do. And they create an immediate energy draining plus a violation of space when someone incessantly messages because they want what they want now.
Slaying the energy vampires in our life is critical.
One of the things I assess is how the person's energy feels, how they make me feel and what they're doing. If I ask a person to stop and they don't, it's a hard no for me.
I not longer give people the chance to violate me twice.
I'm tired of the rhetoric of give people second chances and people are doing their best that gives them constant person to demand things from people in which they have no right to demand it.
We all have incredible demands on our time. And the blurred lines create blurred boundaries. When our boundaries get violated we lose ourselves if we're not careful.
When we give ourselves away to the demands of a modern system that has no account for personal choice or space we give up ourselves, losing ourselves.
The cost is too high to not manage the demands on your time. When you have to pull back and people do not understand it, get new people. If people continue to violate your boundaries after you enforce them, get new people.
Remember it's not their job to enforce your boundaries, it's yours.
If you don't get rid of the energy vampires in your life they will destroy you.
PS... love the writing? Check out my book -> https://www.tonyawhittle.com/buy-unchained-book
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